Plot: Two thieves (George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino) are attempting to escape to Mexico. After taking hostages (Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis, and Ernest Liu) and stopping at a strip club for the night, they discover that their titty-tasseled hostesses are vampires. You know, the usual.
What went through my head: You might not know this about me but I love just about anything associated with Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. And when you throw in a young George Clooney and ridiculously gory vampire slaying, you have me hook, line, and sinker.
While directed by Rodriguez, it is pretty clear that Tarantino is all over the script. From irrelevant but interesting opening conversations to a disgusting but thoroughly impressive sales pitch from the strip club owner about how many different types of pussy they have available, Tarantino leaves his blood soaked fingerprints on every sentence.
Now some of you may be turning your noses up at the fact that Tarantino acts in this film, and don’t get me wrong – I often find him a little stiff when delivering lines myself – he is rather perfect for his character here. I guess it says quite a bit that Tarantino plays a sexually depraved murderer excellently but who am I to judge?
This film is, unashamedly, all about fun. It’s fun to watch vampires explode in cheap and gloopy ways. It’s fun to hear a preacher try not to say the words “mother fucking”. It’s fun to hear Clooney deliver Tarantino dialogue. But above all, it’s glorious delight of the highest calibre to watch somebody use a pneumatic drill with a wooden stake as a vampire slaughtering machine.
Verdict: A perfect candidate for a stay in and drink unwise amounts of beer with your friends kind of film. Or perhaps you had a shitty day and need cheering up with some good old-fashioned creative insults and gallons of fake blood. This is entertainment at its finest.
Seth: The world’s my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother’s heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don’t believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything’s hunky-dory.
Seth: Well, that is a matter of opinion and I do not give a fuck about yours.